Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid spoke to reporters from the mainstream media Tuesday evening imploring them to, "Help me, help you! Help me, help you!"

"I felt such a relief coming out in front of my colleagues in the Senate today I realize now I made a terrible mistake asking for a closed session to do it in. Now I'm making it official! I'm Harry, I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!"

I want my Fitzmas, and I want it now.

As Harry Reid comes in touch with his feminine side, he realizes in shock that he can't stop touching it.

Inside Schumer's head: Look at me Harry....I know you want me... I know you love me...look at me...come on...you know you want to look...you dirty old man...

Harryyyyyyyy of the nine fingers,
And the Schum of doooooooommmm.

Unnnnngh.... Ahhhhhhh.... Gurrrrr... Durrrrrr...

Harry Reid is loses his train of thought as Schumer unpredictably continues their game of "Hide the Index Finger."

Senator Charles Schumer watched with satisfaction that his correspondence course on hypnotism had finally paid off when Senator Harry Reid fondled himself and said "... now spank me, and call me a sex kitten!"

Darth Schumer - "You have failed me for the last time, Admiral"

Senate Monority Leader Harry Reid denys any ties with Communist China...But his hands show the Chinese mofia gang territorial identification!...Yes folks Harry Reid is a Communist with a capital C. The hands don't lie!

"I am feeling very vaclempt... talk amongst yourselves, let me give you a topic...

Democratic grandstanding in a time of war."

Am I pretty?

And

What? Now Joe Wilson's lies aren't good enough for ya?

And

I'm gonna hold my breath until I see all the states as blue!

And

The Sith Lord Schumer drives his minion to madness. Next week this spitting fool will be demanding investigations into the very Republicans Lord Schumer has illegally investigated to cover those felonies with smears against the victims. Daschle was useful but this pliant tool has turned out to be the very device the Lord requires to sieze control of the Senate... Bwa ha ha ha ha...

Some said it was a cheap trick to invent yet another scandal to blame on the republicans. Others said it was just a bad imitation of a Cheap Trick song. Eventually, rumors emerged that what the senator Reid said in the surprise closed-door session was
"I want YOU... to indict... ME!!!"

The beast with two hacks.

Schumer: "While Harry deals with his heart attack, let me just say a few words about the Alito nomination."

Searching for a way to get that media whore away from his mic, Schumer managed to break Harry's concentration when he administered 'the shocker.'

Schumer thought bubble: "The press will never buy it. Even I don't believe his claim that Republicans told him their dog ate the report."

The Right wing movie Harry Reid Vs. Alien was a summer blockbuster, though most Republicans only watched it through the end of this opening scene.

Thanks for the nod, Will!

Harry Reid reacts in surprise as he realizes Chuck Schumer has got him again with the old "krazy-glue-on-the-lapels" trick

"I am NOT a dummy! As proof, Senator Schumer will drink a glass of water as I continue to talk ..."

Harry explains his desire for breast implants as Chuck realizes he is oddly aroused by the thought.

[obscure]

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have four fingers on your right hand?

Courtesy of Inigo Montoya

Honestly, I just want to get this whole nomination thing over and done with so that I can get back to holding my pitchfork in front of the farmhouse with that dowdy chick.

"I swear, not one democrat has ever said Saddam had weapons of Mass Destruction. Just ask Chuck!"

Honestly, I have no idea how I beat Chuck to the microphone."

Schumer: I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

Reid: We're just the guys to do it.

Dick Durban: [Off Camera] Let's do it!

Reid: LET'S DO IT!!!

The problem with Alito is he doesn't have what Miers has upstairs, if you catch my drift.

"Carmine....uh, Chuck, you can take your thumb out of my a$$ now."

This is only the second recorded instance in history where Senator Chuck Schumer was silent while he was aware a news camera was rolling.

"I am stunned that all of you keep believing the tripe I feed you."

"Chuck is soooo sexy in the new fall Victoria's Secret lineup...oh my God, he's right behind me isn't he?"